And I am A Hoarder

My friend Lupe once said that most people’s problem is that they live in their head and not through their body. I’ve contemplated her meaning and how it manifests in different aspects of my life. One such avenue is my personal space. So I decided to clean the apartment, get rid of junk, organize the rest of my junk, and the like.

I’m beginning to hate doing this task. I could be reading a book, but instead I’m having mental anguish over whether or not I should get rid of my Spice Girl cds.

This all started when my parents decided they no longer loved me. After 5 years of not living at home, they actually decided to change my room. I always thought it was supposed to be left exactly the way I left it as a shrine to their magnificent, wonderful, kind, intelligent, humble daughter. It was supposed to be a place where my dog (and I guess the humans in the house) could walk in and reminisce over the great times they had with me. It was supposed to make them excited and anticipate my returning home. But NNNOOOOOOOO… they had to paint the room gray. They had to get rid of my stuff. They had to put a stationary bike in the room. They even threatened to get rid of my books.

I know it is supposed to be a sign to only move forward in life. Blah blah blah.

Actually, the room looks much better than when I actually occupied the space (primarily because my dad “accidentally” painted the room the color that I wanted) and I don’t miss the things that were thrown away.

Now I’m stuck doing the same for my current apartment. Here are some of the key things I’ve concluded.

  1. My name is Brianna, and I am a hoarder.
  2. I read this quote from a person on their death bed about what they would have changed about their life. Their response was “If I could have done it again, I would have traveled lighter.” That can mean so much to so many different people. For me, that means I don’t want to be anchored by stuff.
  3. You can be physically anchored to stuff. My dad can attest to the amount of stuff that I have. He has had to throw a lot (of my stuff) away. He had to load his truck and move my stuff from multiple places. I joke that the next time I move is the last time I move because I have so much stuff. I never want to get to that point where I need a lot of stuff to feel as if that there is something of value in my life. I don’t want to be that person who can’t walk away from stuff (This is exactly why I have a shopping at Target problem. I’m emotionally attached before I even by it.)
  4. Being emotionally anchored to stuff is probably more problematic. I had to spend a lot of time convincing myself that throwing away some items is not the same of throwing away the memory or emotion that item evokes. I did get rid of a lot those items that reminded me of the good ol’ days. (Please,  hold your applause!) It was hard because those items bring instant happiness of something/ some memory  that I would not have felt in that moment if I had not seen that item. I had to tell myself that even if I didn’t have those reminders of the past, I will be o.k. I won’t forget what made me happy; more importantly, those moments that the trinkets represent contribute to my well-being today. I might not get the instant gratification of that thought ever again, but my life has already benefited from that moment and I can move forward.
  5. I try to be aware of my New Year Resolutions: Produce more. Consume less. Waste nothing. Going through my stuff reminds me how much money I have wasted, how much stuff I consume, and how much I have already. I truly have more than enough in every aspect of my life. I really don’t need too much more. If I just keep this in mind I will have a lot more money in the bank!

How about you? What are your thoughts?

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